i looked into my manager's office.
there i saw him.

looking so serious.
typing away.
and i was taken aback.
when he looked up and smiled.

then with his mesmerising voice.
he said "eh, not going home yet?"
i just shook my head.

then he was like "wait for me. i'll send u home."

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW...

sweet huh?

:))

like my cousin beside me saying, IM SLEEPY!

SLEEEEPZ! *yawns*

in win's car.
sorry buddy!
didnt mean it.

but that very night, i was feeling very awful.
msg kay laogong.
and then we talked.
i know she made an attempt to cheer me up.
but i think i sounded quite pissed.
queen was busy with loraine outside.
so didnt call her.

after putting down the fone with kay laogong.
went to help win with the chicken.
he looked like an ah pek u know.
serious.
not joking man.
but nvm. lol!

but i was still like fucked up.
so i msg javern.
she called me.
i could swear, i was holding back my fucking tears.
why?

simple.
my parents are still not happy with my results.
they didnt call me at all.
and when i came back just now.
my mom was like saying " i thought you didnt want to come home. "
i just stared at the floor and walked back to my room.
dad came back.
i was actually sleeping like wat? 5 mins ago?
he knocked on my door.
or i should say he was banging on the door.
then i opened the door, he stared at me.
i said hi. then he just walked away.
and wat's that supposed to mean?


i left for chalet with a fucking heavy heart.
i know i was running away from reality.
from home.
from the craziness that drove me mad at home.
so what if i flunked?

i didnt know.
but i just held back my tears on thurs night.
the guys were fast asleep when i continued to msg javern.
queen fell asleep coz she had camp the next day.

but i didnt sleep.
didnt sleep well coz i couldnt.

for the 4 nights i was at the chalet.
i didnt sleep
at most, i slept for 2 hours.
in the afternoon, i was fucking tired.
but, i still couldnt sleep.

Sat ( 11/12/04 )

this day was slightly better.
i was freaking out when kay laogong msg said she couldnt come.
but then alot of pple started to stream in.
and i saw alot of long lost friends.
havent seen them for years.

some didnt change. esp, ben.
but some turned to be very quiet.
very ladylike.
lol.
and some lost alot of freaking weight!

but nevertheless it was a hell of fun.
then i saw my classmates.
my mood was actually quite ok.
but i had to keep my chin up.
my classmates found out about my results.
they consoled me.
and i felt so ... .. hm.. how to say..
funny?
and i just kept quiet.
i ignored queen.
ignored everyone.

not literally ignored.
but i just kept quiet.
the things on my mind was too overbearing.

didnt had any appetite.
didnt eat much.
was busy running around.
ensuring everyone's comfortable.
eaten. and happy with the chalet and bbQ itself.
making sure, everyone was socialising.
huiwen's gang - kayson, loraine and 2 other bungs
they were literally gossiping, telling stories at one corner.
and i got alan to be their personal butler.
lol! thanks alan for the help!!!!


siyan and raymond also came.
uncle baze also.
haha.. it was so nice of them to come.
the rest of the gang, already enjoying their time away.
playing daidee, suaning each other. etc etc.

then night came.
those who stayed over.

those on the bed. 6 of us ( initially )
Shah, Joanne, Salleh, Loraine, Kay and Myself.
shah, joanne and salleh on one bed.
the 3 of us on the other bed.
like human uno stacko.
had to landing on one another. wth.
but me, kay and loraine was sleeping quite orderly lah.
position was ok.
only the other bed, had to squeeze.
i was cramped at the corner of the bed.
kay on my tummy and loraine was quite near to my arm.
my feet were facing shah's face.
i just had to be careful that i didnt kick his face.

but after watching princess diaries 1..
we slept.
but only for 15 mins
when i started to feel the crampness.
my back hurts.
and was the most uncomfortable person on the bed.

i moved out from the bed, letting loraine and kay taking the bed.
and at least 5 of them were quite comfy.
i went outside to sleep on the chair with jufri.

but then, it rained.
wind blowing quite strongly.
rain was falling on my arm.
and my neck was aching.
coz i arched my neck backwards.
within 20 mins, i could feel the pain.

i went back inside.
but couldnt find any place.
on the beds on the floor
were alan, charles, win.

and on the concrete floors
were me, jufri and xianfu.

jack kor and cassy dasao were on the steps outside the room.
poor couple.

i slept on the concrete floor.
freaking cold.
room temp was 16 degrees celcius.

whenever i see couples out there.
i wish i could just disappear.
or be invisible.
or better still, they will just vanish in thin air.

then i wont have to feel so lonely inside.
so hurting inside.
wanting so badly to call you on my mobile phone.

she offered to pay me back.
but i said its okie.